So, I made it on here again; confused and exhausted. I write this after about a week of contemplation and days consulting friends and readers of what they’d want to see on the blog in this period. It sure is uncertain times we live in and it seems like 2020 has been a rough one for the whole world so far.
As the situation with the Coronavirus started to seem more severe in the U.K. too, only a couple days ago, I seriously asked myself whether it was something I really wanted to write about. The situation continues to evolve as I write this, and in many ways, I certainly didn’t want to seem to take it lightly.
All of a sudden, I was being inundated with even more news articles, opinion pieces, YouTube commentary videos, and every creator within the blogosphere began sharing their different takes on the matter. There were rumours of a complete lockdown, people taking it lightly, people taking it seriously. There were empty shelves were the pasta used to be and when I witnessed that for the first time, I felt my heart sink to the ground because I couldn’t believe how much reality had changed in only a matter of days.
I then decided I wouldn’t write about the situation as I just felt I didn’t want to add to the anxiety in any way because the truth is, I was feeling overwhelmed by the constant chatter too. A part of me wanted so desperately to escape the rotating news cycle for at least a few hours, but I found myself running back to live videos of politicians and commentators, hoping that someone somehow got an idea overnight or things weren’t as bad as they seemed. I would tune in and tune out constantly to the point where my heart couldn’t take anymore, and I felt continuous panic for a whole day.
It’s crazy to think that only a few weeks ago, I don’t think I had ever used the word ‘quarantine’ in a sentence before, but it’s now a part of my daily vocabulary alongside words like isolation and distancing – none of which bring up peaceful emotions.
I have a whole lot of jumbled up thoughts, and the last thing I want is to burden you with them as I’m sure you might also be struggling to make sense of the situation that is before us. However, I know writing has always been my outlet and the easiest way for me to express my emotions, and putting things out there have always helped me feel some type of peace within.
The truth is no one knows exactly where we’re going to be in the weeks to come or, essentially, how bad the side effects of all is going to hit when this is all over, but one thing is for sure: we are in this together.
I see you waking up to another day wondering when the idea of going outside will no longer feel like walking through a minefield. I understand the chaos in your mind when you read another headline outlining the rising death toll. The inexplicable unrest you feel inside is a common thread I also relate to.
As many of you know, I grew up in Italy but now live in the U.K. so I’m always trying to get updates in detail on the situation unfolding in both countries as well as around the world. I’m not going to sit here in the comfort of my bedroom and pretend like I’m completely being positive right now or like I have any answers. Like many, I am constantly thinking about all the angles and considering the immense impact this is having on people. In other words, it’s complete chaos in my mind – complete chaos up there.
I hope we can all come together during this crazy time and do our best in whatever way we can. We need to try to panic less whilst following the guidelines to a tee. We need to love from a distance and show what our hearts are made of. This is the time to think about our neighbours, our friends who live alone and anyone we believe will be most vulnerable at this time. Also, in my attempt to remain sane, I’ll be trying to use my time productively as I feel that might give me some sense of direction towards a hopefully brighter future.
My apologies if this felt more like word vomit spilled on the entire page rather than a planned out curated essay, but these are my raw thoughts and feelings at the moment, and they are just as messy. I’ll be putting out a lot of lighter content in the upcoming days so keep an eye out for those. Although I’m confused and currently emotionally exhausted, this too will pass and that I am sure of.
Your restless romantic roamer