Celebrating Seven Years Of Blogging: Perfection Isn’t Here
At times, I look for her when I stare at the mirror. From certain angles, I can recognise her in the clear reflection, copying my every move. In other instances, the face I look back at in the mirror looks nothing like hers. The girl I was when I decided to document my life on the internet. I was confident back then and had the kind of self-assurance you can only have when you’ve never truly felt the sting of a deep papercut. Somehow, I was unafraid to show up on here despite my utter lack of experience. Being in my last years of university, I found solace in the unknown because the prospects of an uncertain future felt rather exciting to me.
Now, on a day like this, exactly seven years later since I hit ‘post’ on my first ever entry on this blog, I can’t help but reflect on how much has changed since and who I’ve become as a writer in the process.
Seven years of blogging…? Did I even picture this when I began writing unfiltered thoughts on the internet all those years back?
Truthfully, I had no clue what I was doing back then. Not a single clue. Somehow, though, that was the fun of it. Searching for the how-to videos and feeling an overwhelming sense of accomplishment when I actually did understand ‘how to’. Seeing ideas take shape into something tangible in the digital world. Building my pixellated home brick by brick patiently until it felt cosy enough to house my complex feelings. I was clueless, but not enough to not know that good things take time to build.
Much has changed since then; in the same way, not very much has. Lately, I think a lot about who I was back then and how much I can learn from my past self, who was much more afraid of not trying than she was of the fear of failure.
Maybe she didn’t know true failure back then, and was completely unaware of how much it could hurt.
There is no doubt that my approach to blogging has shifted with the passing of time. I can’t deny my pen now dances to the rhythm of the algorithm more than it sways to the tunes of my inner voice. Simultaneously, I can’t lie and say that I’ve not been immune to the madness that comes with monitoring the numbers as they rise and fall, then rise again… and fall again. Aren’t we all beholding to the algorithm at this point?
In many ways, I’m better than I was 7 years ago. I’m more mature, I’ve seen more of the world, and I’ve enjoyed more life experiences than I had back then. But it’s not lost on me that there are so many things I’d love to relearn from my past self, who was more courageous than she was cautious. The girl who was less afraid to just do the damn thing. The one who asked questions in front of sheer uncertainty and the unknown. The version of myself who wasn’t scared to be seen…
Many say the number 7 means perfection. It often represents the years of completion and utter wisdom. Well, I think year 7 will mark something completely different for me. Perhaps the very opposite.
In my seventh year of blogging, now that I’ve learnt the ‘how-to’, I want to retrace my steps back to the ‘why’. Seven years ago, I wanted an outlet to write candidly about the world as I experienced it. I wanted to transform my growing pains into comforting words woven together to find someone somewhere out there. The candid, the true and the thought-provoking – that was what I sought to write about. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see we’ve veered off course a little, haven’t we…?
The truth is, one never stops growing. Or rather, no one should ever stop growing. And no, I don’t mean in the way TikTok tells us to by implementing the perfect regimens or crazy 4 a.m. routines.
This year, let’s chase the imperfect versions of ourselves. Let’s be open to change and ready to take chances. Be open to travelling different paths, even the ones that hurt. Why don’t we choose to discover ourselves outside the bounds of the “algorithm”? Let’s open the window of our imagination and let the sun in. We may be able to see more beauty around us with more light seeping in. Let’s do ‘the’ thing more than we think about ‘the’ thing. Let’s colour outside the lines till we find ourselves staring back at us in the mirror. Embracing the reflection of not just who we once were but who we are becoming.
Thank you for being here for seven years. Here’s to seven more! ♡
Your restless romantic roamer