In a way, I feel like a bit like a pianist who hasn’t placed their hands on delicate keys for a while too long. I tiptoe around it, approaching with caution to the beat of a scaredy cat for a heart. I should be more confident than this. After all I’ve played the same old keys for long enough to know every fine tune like the back of my hand. Yet, a part of me wonders if the place I left is still the same, if my heart will still skip a beat at the sound of a perfect melody, or if I’ll still find the guts to play a new tune again.
Okay… fine! Lord knows I’m no pianist, but something tells me that’s how I’d feel if I was one.
It is a fact that whilst I’m no renowned musician, my instrument of choice still involves pressing into keys to produce a reaction or feeling. A pianist does so with sound, and I with words.
As I punch aggressively into the letters of my keyboard, it is not lost on me that I haven’t done this in a little while. Not just blogging on the open web, but writing in general as a matter of fact. It feels too familiar and yet a little foreign all the same. Some may say it hasn’t been that long after all, and I guess I’d agree to a degree. However, stepping away from something I’ve learnt to do every week for the past year was certainly strange – returning feels odd, nonetheless.
When I decided to take some time off to myself, I was certain it would be just a week of radio silence. I intended to lift my head up from the blue lights and stare straight into the sunlight instead. But my days with the sun were taken up by darker afternoons as winter came in to claim it’s time. One week turned into another, and then another…
Let’s catch up, shall we?
Seems I did not realise just how much I needed to silence my own thoughts for a little longer than a brief moment. I felt like I was punching all the keys in correctly and getting no sound. A little bit like I was saying a thousand words at once yet absolutely nothing at all. It became evident later on that I really had to step back a little. I was standing too close to the frame that the entire image looked grainy, and it was as though all the colours were bleeding into each other.
Taking several steps back helped me see the bigger picture once again. I began to see the colours blending into one another instead, and found each colour chosen from the palette was a conscious choice indeed.
I did a lot with that time and when I did nothing at all I allowed myself to feel happiness pour from nothingness too. During my time away, I also made plans for the new year and swooned over fictional men in movies that are too good to be true.
Frankly, I also spent a lot of time thinking about this platform too. The homepage got a little bit of a makeover (nothing too drastic!) and I worked on a few more ideas to for the near future. I reflected some more about what I want to say next and how much more I want to share. I guess as I evolve on this space, I continue to ask myself even now exactly who I want to be online.
I’ll leave with that thought for now and will be back with you in no time. You can count on that!
What have you been up to whilst I’ve been gone? Share with me in the comments. below!
Your restless romantic roamer