Secrets To Maintaining Adult Friendships
One thing is for sure – maintaining friendships was much simpler in our teen years. Whether it was due to close proximity, lack of major responsibilities, or the predictability of youthful days, it seems to me there wasn’t too much work that went into making friends and keeping them. Everything was more spontaneous and effortless back then. We had no care in the world that was yet to be our oyster, but we believed wholeheartedly that there was nothing we couldn’t do – especially together. The laughter was loud, the texts were back and forth like a ping-pong ball, and the only thing that required planning was choosing where to spend our evenings together.
The shift that happens in adult friendships is palpable once everyone heads out into the real world to find themselves and chase the life of their dreams.
Other things like work, goals, or romantic partners quickly take priority. Now you’re moving to different cities and swearing long-distance friendships will work. You’re putting friendship dates in your calendar a month in advance. And the text messages now get replies after 3 days (sorry, I’m that guilty friend!).
So, what are the secrets to maintaining adult friendships?
Let me tell you what I wish I knew sooner about keeping friends as an adult…
Why friendships are so important.
Whilst many studies have shown we are becoming increasingly lonely as a society, friendships are even more essential to our overall happiness. There is a comfort in knowing that there is a community of people rooting for you. They share your wins and give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it.
Friends are the family you choose and maintaining quality friendships is essential for your mental health and growth.
We must invest in our adult friendships. To watch any investment grow, we have to take the necessary steps to avoid any loss. Now that we’ve established just how important friendships are, how can we make maintaining adult friendships easier…?
Tips To Maintaining Adult Friendships.
It’s Essential To Manage Expectations.
Although change is inevitable, it’s never easy to accept things are not how they once were. It is important to note that just as your life is changing and moving at a pace it wasn’t before, so is your friend’s. Whilst there should always be some level of reciprocity in friendship, as lives go in different directions, it’s nearly impossible to maintain the same availability in a friendship.
To manage expectations, you have to first understand that most people have good intentions. Although it may not always appear that way most of us are doing the best we have.
Sometimes you’re up and they’re down. Other times they’re fully booked and you’re eager to hit the town. They may also be drowning under a lot of pressure you may know nothing about. Sometimes, you’ll feel like you’re no longer in alignment, and that may be true too. Remember to give some grace to your friends, because sooner or later the tables will turn, and you may need the same extended to you.
There Are Friends For Different Seasons.
If you’re lucky to have a handful of good friends, you’re already winning in many ways. It is important however to know not everyone can be everything to you.
There are friends for different reasons and seasons. Some friends are vaults for all your deepest secrets. Some friends take you on a road of nostalgia just by staring at them. Others you call when you need a drink or a good time to forget about your adult worries. It is important you learn to reach out to different friends at different times. This helps to not overwhelm our friends too.
You Must Make The Time.
The truth is with everything you care about in life, you have to intentionally seek out the time to prioritise them. The same goes for friendships in adulthood. Yes, you’re busy. Yes, you have a million other things calling and needing your attention. However, if you don’t intentionally make time to catch up with a friend, chances are you never will. That’s the thing with adult friendships, you only get out what you put in and vice versa. There won’t be anyone holding your hands together pushing you to make conversation for old-time sake. Although you’d like to, you won’t just run into each other in random places either.
So, while it may not be the most fun or spontaneous idea, scheduling the time in the calendar to catch up is very needed in adult friendships.
Your restless romantic roamer
What tips do you use for maintaining adult friendships? Share them in the comments below!
