Took a while to get here – a little bit of caution and a whole lot of hesitation. It’s both a blessing and a curse that when I set my mind to do something, I have to see it through till the end. So, although there were many moments when I was tempted to pull the plug, I just couldn’t.
For the longest time, I’ve always wanted to create my own YouTube channel. It always lingered in the back of my mind, but I constantly pushed it further behind with a shake of the head or an ‘it’s not for me’.
I wish I could say my source of panic was driven by invisible ghosts dancing in my mind. Wait, maybe they were… but to me, they were never invisible though. They were vivid, with tangible skin. The kind of ghosts that don’t just stop at a jump scare but make sure you feel their touch. The kind that likes to see the fear in your eyes and laugh back at you as you tremble in your bones and run around sh*t scared till you lose your mind.
My ghosts weren’t just the obvious ones. Of course, it was easy to worry about the obvious things like how awkward I’d look on camera or my life not being interesting enough for the right angles, but those didn’t faze me all that much. Clearly, I’m not shy about oversharing – it’s been four years of TMI around here – so I wasn’t too bothered.
Although I chose to ignore them, the ghost that swam around were more front and centre during the entire process.
Stuttering is still a nightmare of mine sometimes, hence, having to listen to my own voice a billion times didn’t seem all that appealing to me. Questioning how I’d address and speak about disability weighed on my mind too. Dealing with heavy gadgets to carry around with little to no accessibility features didn’t help much either. And where there weren’t any problems to be found, I made sure to create some for myself. What’s life without a little unhealthy dose of self-sabotage?
Despite all this though, my mind was set and stubborn as ever! On the first day of the year, I created the channel. Then, I went ahead and told every person who will listen, what I intended to do. Too late to back out now!
Before I started to create my first video, I did what every good student would do – research. I sought out advice on all aspects of the YouTube journey wherever I could find – on YouTube, of course. Consistently across the board, the one that kept ringing in my ear was simple. ‘Just Do It!’
It’s been a while since I decided I’d ‘Just Do It’, but I’m glad my ghosts didn’t get to talk me out of this one!
My first video is OUT NOW! It is very far from perfect, and the process has already been an insane learning experience so far.
Doing things for the first time can be scary, daunting, or just plain crazy. But we do them, nonetheless. To satisfy our curious hearts. To show ourselves that we could. Or just to tick off a box we’ve been dying to. Of course, I am writing to tell you my channel is open, and my video is up. However, remember this too: when the fear of failure cripples your mind, start with just one step. Take the first bold step. Open the first chapter. Read the first page. That’s where the story begins.
Your restless romantic roamer